Let it go

Oh for heaven's sake Channel 5.  Stop messing with the format and giving us your 'twists'......enough already!  When was the last time we actually had a normal week of nominations and a proper eviction?  A twist should be a gob smacking surprise but for the last couple of years the show has been messed around with so much that it would be a bloody shock if we were actually given the opportunity to evict people that had been nominated by their housemates.

Constructed reality is already a dying art as shows like TOWIE, Made in Chelsea and Geordie Shore are in their final death throes.  So why are the Celebrity Big Brother producers following this weary path instead of trusting a proven format that has kept the nation gripped for over a decade?

Their latest fiddling is so blatant and they're not even trying to be clever or discreet.  Last week they rushed through a nomination shocker in an attempt to save Perez Hilton by asking Pricey to save someone and swap them for the most boring housemate.  It didn't go quite to plan as she chose to save Katie Hopkins and put up Calum Best.  I bet they breathed a sigh of relief on Friday when fish face Douvall was sent packing.

Not wanting to leave anything to chance this week, they've come up with a real beauty.  Today they decided to pretend that Perez had walked before nominations and put him in a secret room for a few days.  Didn't see that one coming.  A secret room!  Christ that's genius.  Won't this be fun.  Actually no it won't and I bet even the other housemates will rumble this before dinner.  Lazy, dull and about as subtle as Perez Hilton in his underpants snorting cheddar.

To be fair I can see why they're worried after Katie Price failed to set the show alight.  In fact she's been like a foam party at a hospice.  Completely out of place and inappropriate.  The woman has sucked the life out of the show and has no conversation other than spewing out sordid tales of her sexual antics with her many husbands.  From fisting Alex Reid to eye watering encounters with a well hung Argentinian.  From suicides to squirting. Her kids will be so proud. Strange that she spends so much time in the Diary Room telling Big Brother that she finds it difficult talking about her relationships.   The woman is deluded with no self awareness.  She's about as interesting as counting toenail clippings.

The trouble with Katie Price is that we're not shocked or surprised by her filthy gob but it seems to be catching.  In the papers this week I was horrified to read that Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford are going at it like rabbits 24/7.  Poor Eamonn is run ragged.  I almost sicked up my breakfast smoothie.

Back in the house poor Patsy is going a bit bonkers.  She's needy and neurotic and despite her meditation routine she's about as calm as a ferret on heat.  But don't worry.  She's fine because she doesn't think there's any cameras around to film her breakdown.  Phew!  That's a relief Patsy.

In other news this week, Kav had a booze fuelled meltdown in his towelling robe after deciding that Cheggers is Dr Evil.  A nasty drunk in a nasty dressing gown.  Even foul mouthed, low rent Cammi was shocked by his attack.  It was like watching Joan Crawford battering her kid with a metal coat hanger.

So Alicia Douvall lost her place on Friday in a photo finish with Perez and Nadia.  Poor Alicia. She's an odd one but I quite liked her.  She's clearly had a tough life but couldn't see that her addictions and quirks are just as selfish as the alcohol and drugs lifestyle she despises.  When she said she'd rather die than have small tits you knew she really meant that with all her being.  Such a sad message for her kids.  She was fuming when her name was called and threw daggers at Katie Price for not saving her.  Pout was in full trout as she stomped up the stairs with her frown fighting the botox.

Katie Hopkins has been sticking her incredibly big nose into everything again.  Her obsession with Perez Hilton and his back fat is really spoiling her time in the house.  I hate to admit it but I've warmed to Katie over the last 2 weeks but FFS ........

Let it go, let it go.  Perez shouldn't bother you anyway.

In other news I heard today that in Northern supermarkets they're putting security tags on packs of bacon.  Says more about the North/South divide than anything I've read in the media recently.