This is a man's world 2...

SPOILER ALERT!

Men are dicks and you women are completely to blame.

Straight, gay and regardless of colour, creed or religion, men are raised to think of themselves as superior beings who have no boundaries and will be forgiven for all crimes and misdemeanours because it's expected and accepted behaviour.  How did this happen and why is it still prevalent throughout what is supposed to be a modern and educated society?

The answer is easy. Women. It starts with Mothers and that influence follows their sons into adult life.  A mother's love is a wonderful thing but throughout a boy's formative years they encourage and promote a view of masculinity that seems so out of kilter in today's world where we talk of sexual equality.

We're taught to be the best at throwing or kicking a ball and admired for having the biggest muscles.  We need the biggest house, the fastest car and the most attractive mate.  We equate popularity with our sexual conquests and the amount of money we earn. All of this ego-feeding stuff bears no relation to how we are as human beings.  Don't get me wrong.  Ambition is a very good thing and everyone should strive to be the best that they can be but why is there still a huge chasm dividing what's acceptable behaviour for a man and woman?

So what's all this got to do with Celebrity Big Brother?  It's got everything to with the show.  People knock Big Brother as low-brow reality TV but it's also our society, values and morals served up within the confines of a load of spray-painted MDF.  It started as a social experiment and for me it's grown over the years into a cultural barometer.

Celebrity Big Brother 2014 has really highlighted that sexual equality is still a myth and men are still behaving badly and still getting away with it because women let them!

Dappy

Why is a man admired for shagging 5 girls on a night out but if a woman did the same she would be vilified as a dirty slag?  The Dapster comes from a traditional Greek background.  They have what is referred to as a Matriarchal society.  You could be forgiven for thinking this sounds very feminist but you'd be so wrong.  This actually means that Mum stays at home doing the cooking and cleaning with the daughters while the sons and husbands are out drinking, shagging and doing a bit of work in between to earn some cash. Greek girls are taught to stay at home with their workhorse Mothers and to just be happy with their lot. So it's not Dappy's fault that he thinks this is okay.  His mother and sisters are to blame for to their complacency.

Lee

A 16 year old boy in a 30 year old man's body.  Someone who's clearly been spoiled and never had anyone say No to him.  Years of endless groupie sessions have eroded his ability to reason that his actions might have a consequence and that his conquests have feelings.  It's all about what makes him happy.    If anyone dares to question his behaviour he throws a tantrum and cries until he gets his own way.  Even better if he manages a cuddle and a kiss from the person he's been hurting.  Mommie Dearest turns up on telly to defend her boy and points a well manicured finger at the two hussies who she thinks are leading her little angel astray. How does a boy raised in a female environment turn out to have so little regard for women? What makes this worse is that there is a wider view that Casey and Jasmine are completely to blame for the whole love triangle situation.  They are being called bunny boiling bitches by some critics and those are mostly of the female gender.  So women are not only raising boys to act like dicks but they're fighting with their sisters rather than calling a dick a dick.

Olly

So here's a thing.  We have a nice young man who doesn't feel the need to be nasty or treat people badly.  That's a good thing.  Right?  Wrong!  The women in the house have a real problem with this and couldn't wait to stick the knife in at the first opportunity.  A man's not supposed to be nice and therefore has to be mocked and bitched about.  Why does honesty have to mean you have to be hurtful?  Why does having an opinion mean you need to make someone feel bad about themselves?  Being nice seems to be so unattractive to women that even Sam Faiers finds Olly as alien as ET.

Jim Davidson

OK so here's a man with a past and I'm not even going to get into that.  The evidence is out there.  Just Google him.  However, apart from a few slip ups over the last two weeks, he's managed to play the game very well.  With years of experience under his belt, the master has played his cards dead right and the women in the house have been pawns on his chess board.  Despite his past and despite his nasty comments to some of the females in the house, he's now the favourite to win the show.  His rise to the top fuelled by nagging women.  Poor old Jim.  Poor misogynistic, racist, homophobic Jim.  Men want to be him and women...well women created him and will be texting furiously to get him the crown on Wednesday.  All of them just aching to do his ironing while he's out playing snooker and having a few pints with the lads.

I love women and men (Oh Yes!) but some of them need a metaphorical slapping.

Little Boy Blue With The Horn

Until he signed up for Celebrity Big Brother, Lee Ryan was known for being the Sporty Spice of Blue.  You know, the one who did the screechy bit at the end of the tracks. He was the blue eyed baby of the group.  The cheeky little brother of his 3 protective siblings.  Maybe something they should have thought about before letting him out on his own.

Ryan was cheered into the Big Brother house but a week later those fans had turned into a baying mob.  Things started well as he spent the first couple of days chained to a small bird with massive breasts.  It looked like the start of a fairytale and the viewers loved their canoodling under the duvet.  It seemed like a very cute Big Brother romance was blossoming. Snow White's Prince had come. What a lucky guy.  He's probably got this series in the bag. What could possibly go wrong?

So whilst he's reeling Casey in with his cheeky chappie charms he suddenly decides he needs an upgrade and starts flirting shamelessly with Jasmine Waltz.  Jasmine reciprocates as she apparently hadn't noticed Lee and Casey were getting close.  So Jas becomes the Wicked Queen which is good because we all love to hate a foreign tart.  It's at this point that Lee decides to bed hop between the two and seems to forget that they are all living under the one roof.

Lee claimed that when he saw Jasmine his heart started fluttering.  More like his dick was twitching. Casey is spurned and Lee runs crying to the Diary Room because he doesn't want to be seen as a player.  Too late mate.  You played her.

A gentleman would have reigned himself in but not our Lee.  He decided to clamp himself to Jasmine's face and dry hump her all over the house while poor Casey looked on like a lost puppy.  Now if this wasn't bad enough he started attacking Casey for making HIM look bad.  The American slapper sneered and bitched about the Page 3 babe to anyone who'd listen.  Two selfish people who deserve each other but the outcome is obviously going to be more Karma than Kamasutra. Never mind.  When Jasmine dumps Lee he can go running back to the big strong arms of Duncan James ;-)

 So that was how Mr Ryan went from hot favourite to rank outsider.  Oh how we clapped and laughed when the BB crowd started chanting 'Get Lee Out!'.  He was crestfallen and cried a bit more before he actually said to Casey 'It's me, not you' as they walked up the stairs to face the mob.  Would he redeem himself when he was given a second chance after the fake eviction?  Did he heck as like.  He just rubbed Casey's nose in it some more and played the victim, in between rubbing himself all over his prize and declaring his love for the LA home wrecker.  At least the other housemates get a bit of respite from her grating voice when she's got Lee stuck to her lips.

Liz Jones should remember that beauty is only skin deep.  She might be a needy and socially inept but she shouldn't feel inferior to a woman whose fame is based on her track record of destroying relationships.  Liz may be right that animals have souls.  I think there's more need for a debate about Jasmine Waltz.

I like strong women but people like Jasmine and Louisa confuse strength with just being a noisy bitch.  I would argue that Louisa is nothing more than a petulant child who makes a lot of noise and stamps her feet and cries if she doesn't get her own way.  I didn't like her on The Apprentice and she's confirmed my low opinion of her in the Big Brother house.  She's a mean girl with a very inflated opinion of herself, a big nose and a very whiney voice.  I'm just being honest Louisa!

At the other extreme we have Sam Faiers.  I keep forgetting she's in the house.  Another example of how dull most of these reality TV 'stars' actually are.  Without a script and constructed storyline they're about as interesting as cat litter.  Even Ollie is starting to resemble very loud wallpaper and the most animated he's been recently was when Big Brother took away his makeup bag.  This was so traumatic for him he said he'd rather eat his own testicles.  I was surprised to hear that he had a pair of balls!

I really can't take much more of Dappy's performing to the cameras.  He's like an anti-social teenager who spends most of his day in his virtual bedroom and crawls out to find some food and annoy the grown ups.  I can't think of one actual conversation that he's managed to sustain since he's been in there. I reckon he only took the job to hide from the bailiffs.

So what of the grown ups?  I can't quite believe that Lionel Blair is my current favourite.  It says a lot about the other housemates when an 82 year old ex-hoofer (yes I said hoofer) is top of my list.  I love that he hates the mean girls.  His feelings for a 'transformed' Jim Davidson are pretty much aligned to my opinion of the nasty comedian.  Jim's been very clever and playing a good game but everyone knows he's a See You Next Tuesday.  Lionel's managed to control his feelings for Jim whereas Linda hasn't done herself any favours by making her battle with him her raison d'étre.

I hope Lionel stays the distance as he's provided the most memorable moments for me this season.  His sex club compere performance was sublime. It made me laugh out loud and sick up in my mouth at the same time. After sitting through another episode of Lee and Jasmine acting like dogs on heat and Louisa shouting at everyone it was so refreshing to see Lionel remove himself to the garden smoking seat and let go a huge rattling fart.  The man's a legend.

SPLASH!

Newsflash! Gemma Collins exits first heat

A Barrel of Monkeys

Well thank Christ Christmas is over!

Two weeks of stuffing our faces and binge drinking in front of the telly with people we avoid like the plague for most of the year.  Once it's all over what do we have?  An empty bank account, low self esteem and an overflowing wheelie bin. God has a lot to answer for.

I've just chucked a wad of cards in the recycling bin and not one of them showed a picture of black skies, horizontal rain and empty bags of Aunt Bessie roast potatoes blowing around the street.

Christmas has become like Reality TV.  It's all fake but we just can't help being drawn into it.  It's now just the bit in between X Factor and Celebrity Big Brother.

OK so Christmas over and a brand new year kicked off with the lovely Emma Willis welcoming us to a very plush and opulent (cheap and tacky) Big Brother House. The new house is like a Gypsy furniture showroom.

So who would I least like to see in this year's house?  The odious Jim Davidson.

And first out of the eye is.......Jim Davidson!  Bugger!  Obviously trying to raise his star profile after a mauling in the press.  He should have had a chat with Michael Barrymore before signing up.  For some reason he turned up on launch night dressed as Dr Who.

Housemate number two was Linda Nolan.  She was big in Japan and is now just...well...big.  She swept along the runway in a red cape and was a dead ringer for camp 70's wrestler Adrian Street. Just Google him and tell me I'm not wrong.

Up next was herb-loving Dappy.  Seriously dude you look like a gay dwarf in your Nan's bathroom curtains.  Apparently he's got a third leg which I assume is a nod to the size of his penis.  Considering he's like Camden's answer to Jimminy Crickett I'm not sure that's much of a compliment.  He's been kicked in the face by a horse recently.  Animals are a good judge of character.

Oh Jeez it's Liz Jones.  A post menopausal mess with a beard who wanted a baby to get a year off work.  She looks crazy, but not in a good way.  Reminds me of Mary the witch from BB6. Dappy looked like he might cry when he was handcuffed to her.

Sam Faiers was next.  Poor girl must have starved herself over the holidays for her OK magazine spread and no doubt there's a fitness DVD lined up.  She looked gorgeous but I bet after a week in there she's gonna look like a bag of spanners.  I hope she's taken in lots of makeup, concealer and false eye lashes.

Her buddy is an LA groupie called Jasmine Waltz.  More of an American Smooth but she looks like good fun so I'll give her a 7 for her first performance.

Lee Ryan's joined the party.  CBB is becoming a cure for bankruptcy.  However I think Lee will be good value.  What's not to like about a guy who likes badgers?  He doesn't think before he speaks.  In fact I don't think he thinks at all but he's easy on the eye.  Cute and dim.  Perfect man really. I think him and Sam would make a good couple.  He's like Joey Essex but with more charm.

However he's paired up with a pair of big tits on a small tap dancer.  I'm not sure big breasts and tap dancing are a good combination.  No idea who she is but she's annoying me already.  Not keen on women who define themselves by the size of their mammies.

Gotta love Ollie.  He just looked so happy to be there.  He sounds like Tom Daley on speed and that's not where the similarity ends ;-)

OMG not Lionel Blair!  Mr Showbiz said he loved young kids which in the current climate wasn't the best opening line.  The look on his face when he was shackled to Ollie was priceless and creepy.   I wouldn't fancy going for a piss with Lionel chained to my left wrist.

Luisa.  The whiney voiced, bisexual bitch off The Apprentice.  Clearly her cupcakes aren't selling like hot cakes. Hopefully she'll be fired first.

And finally The Real Deal. It's only the legend that is Evander Holyfield!  I'm not sure he knew where he was and what he'd signed up for.  He looked dazed and confused and why did Emma ask him if he'd ever been to Borehamwood.  Was that question really on the auto-cue?  Maybe she had brain freeze. When he was being chained to Luisa he looked like he'd rather have Mike Tyson bite his other ear off.  I know how he felt.

So there we have it.  The House of 2014.

A brilliant bunch of misfits and eccentrics and has the potential to be one of the best series ever.

People who moan about Z list celebrities going into the Big Brother House really don't get the brilliance of the show.

Talking of 'brilliance'. Why is Marco Falcone wearing Rylan Clark's teeth on BBBOTS?

Happy New Year x