So poor old Vince McMahon is in the shit. The WWE is going down the pan after 30 years of dominating professional wrestling and turning it into a money spinning circus. WWE is the Redneck version of TOWIE, Geordie Shore & The Hills. It's just a scripted soap opera. Reality TV for beer swilling hillbillies. Bring back Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks.
On this side of the pond we had our very own Smackdown playing out in Borehamwood as Marlon paid the price for his cowardly deed. Ousted in his pants through the back door. Monday Night Raw. A fitting end to a fairly superfluous housemate.
This is Armageddon week, which in Big Brother World meant that housemates lost their kettle, hair straighteners and jacuzzi. Mark had a hissy fit and Danielle was outraged at being asked to eat something out of a tin. Bear Grylls this lot ain't. The housemates were forced to fight for food in a sewer and build a life raft from garbage. Danielle was raging again as her team failed to bag enough rotting fish and she sank like a stone on her team's raft. They should have used her breasts as ballast. Those Mothers could have raised the Costa Concordia.
Hard times seemed to bring Mark and Christmas closer and after a couple of shandies they had a bit of a moment behind the rice and lentils. I doubt it will last. Christopher is already shocked by how much time Mark can spend talking about eyebrows. His conversation is about as stimulating as watching test cricket.
To make the end of the world even less enjoyable Big Brother threw in some new housemates. Three cats amongst the tatty old pigeons. Now Essex gets a lot of stick for it's shallow culture but they plumbed new depths with Biannca. All thick hair, thick fake tan, thick white teeth and a thick waist. Just thick really. More JJ's Basildon than Sugar Hut. Within minutes she'd got her boobs out, threatened to sit on Winston's cock and ride him into the rubble. This apparently is called banter these days amongst the Magaluf set. Little wonder that men are losing respect for women and confused about their role.
Pav is also from Essex but comes over as a power mad nerd. Like someone who plays World of Warcraft and knows how to sideload Android applications onto their Google Nexus. Small and shifty. This boy is out to win and take down anyone who stands in his way.
OMFG it's only Zoe Birkett off of Pop Idol! This woman is more of a celebrity than some ex-CBB housemates. What on earth is she doing on here? Did she get her dates mixed up and arrive too early? Zoe hasn't changed since she was beaten in to 4th place by Will, Gareth & Darius 12 years ago. Shame about her choice of kecks though. She looked like she was wearing two rolls of Linda Barker wallpaper.
The inevitable paranoia set in and worst hit was Danielle. Her prim and proper persona was about to unravel as Biannca went for the jugular and revealed her secret lifestyle to the house. Danielle's cover was blown and no amount of tears and back-peddling could convince her housemates that she's not used to prancing around in her undies showing her lady off.
As the squalor continued we also had the ongoing squalid romance of Steven and Kimberly. Steven was determined to interrogate the newbies to find out why the public hate him and when he found out it was due to his controlling personality and shagging Kim he blamed her again for making him look bad. His constant badgering drove her to tears which of course made him even more angry as she was making him look like a dick. I didn't think I could detest a housemate more than BB5's Jason Cowan but I was wrong. Kim also discovered that Steven had said that he'd shag someone in the house to help him win the 100 grand.
Kimberly conveniently acquired a mystery illness and disappeared up the stairs like Tracy Barlow Mk 2. Will she re-appear with a new face and a personality? For her sake I hope she leaves the country before 'sensitive' Steven is evicted.
Steven didn't seem remotely bothered about Kim's departure. The words that fell from his mouth were completely at odds with his body language. In fact he was more concerned that her illness was adding to his stress about his eviction night. He did ask Big Brother to tell Kim that he loves her very very much as tore into a sandwich and a spray of spit and ham hit the Diary Room camera. 2 Second Steve took more time savouring his snack than he did pleasuring his bed partner.
After 4 days of acting like a slut bucket it was Biannca that felt the wrath of the viewers and out she went with her bra round her neck and the crowd booing her breasts. I'm sure it won't be the last we hear of her. The Daily Star were probably on the phone Friday night.
So with no Kim, and Pav having the hots for Ashleigh, the newbies eviction choice was Danielle and her dual personalities. They both left the house in a hideous purple slit dress that looked like a Shirley Bassey costume from a fancy dress shop.
With Armageddon over and Danielle cast into hell, she'll have plenty of time to consider what went wrong and how her own Book of Revelations ended her Big Brother experience.
p.s. Does anyone know where I can get a Designer Penis? I can't find one on the Ralph Lauren website.
To make the end of the world even less enjoyable Big Brother threw in some new housemates. Three cats amongst the tatty old pigeons. Now Essex gets a lot of stick for it's shallow culture but they plumbed new depths with Biannca. All thick hair, thick fake tan, thick white teeth and a thick waist. Just thick really. More JJ's Basildon than Sugar Hut. Within minutes she'd got her boobs out, threatened to sit on Winston's cock and ride him into the rubble. This apparently is called banter these days amongst the Magaluf set. Little wonder that men are losing respect for women and confused about their role.
Pav is also from Essex but comes over as a power mad nerd. Like someone who plays World of Warcraft and knows how to sideload Android applications onto their Google Nexus. Small and shifty. This boy is out to win and take down anyone who stands in his way.
OMFG it's only Zoe Birkett off of Pop Idol! This woman is more of a celebrity than some ex-CBB housemates. What on earth is she doing on here? Did she get her dates mixed up and arrive too early? Zoe hasn't changed since she was beaten in to 4th place by Will, Gareth & Darius 12 years ago. Shame about her choice of kecks though. She looked like she was wearing two rolls of Linda Barker wallpaper.
The inevitable paranoia set in and worst hit was Danielle. Her prim and proper persona was about to unravel as Biannca went for the jugular and revealed her secret lifestyle to the house. Danielle's cover was blown and no amount of tears and back-peddling could convince her housemates that she's not used to prancing around in her undies showing her lady off.
As the squalor continued we also had the ongoing squalid romance of Steven and Kimberly. Steven was determined to interrogate the newbies to find out why the public hate him and when he found out it was due to his controlling personality and shagging Kim he blamed her again for making him look bad. His constant badgering drove her to tears which of course made him even more angry as she was making him look like a dick. I didn't think I could detest a housemate more than BB5's Jason Cowan but I was wrong. Kim also discovered that Steven had said that he'd shag someone in the house to help him win the 100 grand.
Kimberly conveniently acquired a mystery illness and disappeared up the stairs like Tracy Barlow Mk 2. Will she re-appear with a new face and a personality? For her sake I hope she leaves the country before 'sensitive' Steven is evicted.
Steven didn't seem remotely bothered about Kim's departure. The words that fell from his mouth were completely at odds with his body language. In fact he was more concerned that her illness was adding to his stress about his eviction night. He did ask Big Brother to tell Kim that he loves her very very much as tore into a sandwich and a spray of spit and ham hit the Diary Room camera. 2 Second Steve took more time savouring his snack than he did pleasuring his bed partner.
After 4 days of acting like a slut bucket it was Biannca that felt the wrath of the viewers and out she went with her bra round her neck and the crowd booing her breasts. I'm sure it won't be the last we hear of her. The Daily Star were probably on the phone Friday night.
So with no Kim, and Pav having the hots for Ashleigh, the newbies eviction choice was Danielle and her dual personalities. They both left the house in a hideous purple slit dress that looked like a Shirley Bassey costume from a fancy dress shop.
With Armageddon over and Danielle cast into hell, she'll have plenty of time to consider what went wrong and how her own Book of Revelations ended her Big Brother experience.
p.s. Does anyone know where I can get a Designer Penis? I can't find one on the Ralph Lauren website.
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