Until he signed up for Celebrity Big Brother, Lee Ryan was known for being the Sporty Spice of Blue. You know, the one who did the screechy bit at the end of the tracks. He was the blue eyed baby of the group. The cheeky little brother of his 3 protective siblings. Maybe something they should have thought about before letting him out on his own.
Ryan was cheered into the Big Brother house but a week later those fans had turned into a baying mob. Things started well as he spent the first couple of days chained to a small bird with massive breasts. It looked like the start of a fairytale and the viewers loved their canoodling under the duvet. It seemed like a very cute Big Brother romance was blossoming. Snow White's Prince had come. What a lucky guy. He's probably got this series in the bag. What could possibly go wrong?
So whilst he's reeling Casey in with his cheeky chappie charms he suddenly decides he needs an upgrade and starts flirting shamelessly with Jasmine Waltz. Jasmine reciprocates as she apparently hadn't noticed Lee and Casey were getting close. So Jas becomes the Wicked Queen which is good because we all love to hate a foreign tart. It's at this point that Lee decides to bed hop between the two and seems to forget that they are all living under the one roof.
Lee claimed that when he saw Jasmine his heart started fluttering. More like his dick was twitching. Casey is spurned and Lee runs crying to the Diary Room because he doesn't want to be seen as a player. Too late mate. You played her.
A gentleman would have reigned himself in but not our Lee. He decided to clamp himself to Jasmine's face and dry hump her all over the house while poor Casey looked on like a lost puppy. Now if this wasn't bad enough he started attacking Casey for making HIM look bad. The American slapper sneered and bitched about the Page 3 babe to anyone who'd listen. Two selfish people who deserve each other but the outcome is obviously going to be more Karma than Kamasutra. Never mind. When Jasmine dumps Lee he can go running back to the big strong arms of Duncan James ;-)
So that was how Mr Ryan went from hot favourite to rank outsider. Oh how we clapped and laughed when the BB crowd started chanting 'Get Lee Out!'. He was crestfallen and cried a bit more before he actually said to Casey 'It's me, not you' as they walked up the stairs to face the mob. Would he redeem himself when he was given a second chance after the fake eviction? Did he heck as like. He just rubbed Casey's nose in it some more and played the victim, in between rubbing himself all over his prize and declaring his love for the LA home wrecker. At least the other housemates get a bit of respite from her grating voice when she's got Lee stuck to her lips.
Liz Jones should remember that beauty is only skin deep. She might be a needy and socially inept but she shouldn't feel inferior to a woman whose fame is based on her track record of destroying relationships. Liz may be right that animals have souls. I think there's more need for a debate about Jasmine Waltz.
I like strong women but people like Jasmine and Louisa confuse strength with just being a noisy bitch. I would argue that Louisa is nothing more than a petulant child who makes a lot of noise and stamps her feet and cries if she doesn't get her own way. I didn't like her on The Apprentice and she's confirmed my low opinion of her in the Big Brother house. She's a mean girl with a very inflated opinion of herself, a big nose and a very whiney voice. I'm just being honest Louisa!
At the other extreme we have Sam Faiers. I keep forgetting she's in the house. Another example of how dull most of these reality TV 'stars' actually are. Without a script and constructed storyline they're about as interesting as cat litter. Even Ollie is starting to resemble very loud wallpaper and the most animated he's been recently was when Big Brother took away his makeup bag. This was so traumatic for him he said he'd rather eat his own testicles. I was surprised to hear that he had a pair of balls!
I really can't take much more of Dappy's performing to the cameras. He's like an anti-social teenager who spends most of his day in his virtual bedroom and crawls out to find some food and annoy the grown ups. I can't think of one actual conversation that he's managed to sustain since he's been in there. I reckon he only took the job to hide from the bailiffs.
So what of the grown ups? I can't quite believe that Lionel Blair is my current favourite. It says a lot about the other housemates when an 82 year old ex-hoofer (yes I said hoofer) is top of my list. I love that he hates the mean girls. His feelings for a 'transformed' Jim Davidson are pretty much aligned to my opinion of the nasty comedian. Jim's been very clever and playing a good game but everyone knows he's a See You Next Tuesday. Lionel's managed to control his feelings for Jim whereas Linda hasn't done herself any favours by making her battle with him her raison d'étre.
I hope Lionel stays the distance as he's provided the most memorable moments for me this season. His sex club compere performance was sublime. It made me laugh out loud and sick up in my mouth at the same time. After sitting through another episode of Lee and Jasmine acting like dogs on heat and Louisa shouting at everyone it was so refreshing to see Lionel remove himself to the garden smoking seat and let go a huge rattling fart. The man's a legend.
No comments:
Post a Comment