I Don't

So the Pope has resigned.  Wonder if he's planning on joining 5ive to replace Jay on the Big Reunion Arena Tour?

The ex-Nazi says he's too old to carry on his role with so many challenges facing the church. Age is not an excuse for ignorance and intolerance. Let's hope the next winner of Pope Idol preaches love, compassion and safe-sex.  The catholic church and their leader have refused to budge on their condemnation of contraception, masturbation and anal sex.  Why?  Because any form of birth control impacts the growth of their church.  Over 20 million of their faithful followers in Africa are living with AIDS and over 1 million die every year. The Pope's power over these people could put an end to this tragedy and also stop female circumcision and gay Africans being murdered.  Turning a blind eye to this genocide and barbaric cruelty is surely a sin of epic proportions.  Isn't it?

Despite my personal view of organised religion I have to admit that when it comes to gay marriage I'm sitting on their side of the fence but not for the same reasons.  They spout a load of crap about marriage being all about the procreation of children.  They quote the writings of ancient story tellers who claim to have been personally given the word of their God via a burning bush, a thunderous voice up a mountain or from a fit bloke with white wings.  Seriously?  Now this might have worked in ancient times with a load of dim witted, primitive goat farmers but it just doesn't wash with anyone with half a modern brain.  Sure it's a great story but then so is The Little Mermaid.

If I came back from a hike up Ben Nevis claiming to have the word of God on my Android Tablet people would just think I'd had a few too many cans of Special Brew last night or shove me on Jeremy Kyle for a drugs test.

So what do I think of gay marriage?  Well I could take it or leave it if I'm honest.  Why would I want to walk down a church aisle with my beloved when clearly the landlord doesn't want me there and he thinks I'm an abomination?  It's like an unemployed Rangers striker going for a try out for Glasgow Celtic.  I'm all for equal rights but sometimes just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.  The thought of standing at a church alter with a reluctant priest smiling at me through gritted teeth is like the Queen giving Margaret Thatcher a life peerage.

I'd much rather have a Civil Partnership ceremony with my close friends and family at Blackpool Pleasure Beach and pushing the mother in law on The Big One.  So much more personal and without feeling like the service was just lip service. A blessing from a smiley lady vicar in Harry Ramsden's over cod n chips would be so much nicer than your mates mumbling along to Jerusalem or some old Auntie, with a smoker's cough, wheezing though The Lords Prayer.

So don't expect to see me sweating at an alter any time soon.  I'm sure God is a good God and will love me wherever I decide to tie the knot.  I'm convinced he/she will be happy for me even if my bride is a carpet fitter called Dean, as long as we're decent human beings. That's what's important, isn't it?

I don't feel inclined to join the the hoards of hypocrites who wed in a church to get pretty photographs.  Most of them these days haven't stepped into a church since they were baptised and unlikely to be back until they're in a big wooden box.

Whatever floats your boat though but let's not pretend that church weddings are all about faith and religion. Modern weddings are about a display of wealth and taste and feed a massive industry. If the church want to reclaim their faithful then maybe they should start listening to the people.

I think Simon Cowell should run the next Pope vote.  Let the people decide their winner by text and donate 50% of the network charges to send condoms to Africa.